I’m going to be honest with you here, this was a writing prompt I wrote about over on W3 last year. But I’ve added a few things, so I’m giving you a fresh perspective.
For me, it is difficult to choose just one after living with narcissistic abuse for 23 years. So you get a few triggers for me:
Controlling behavior: when they have to be the center of everything that is going on around them. The conversation, the location, the “crowd” they are trying to convince how great they are and how blessed they are to be in their company. Then there is the control of another person, usually their partner. You aren’t wearing that, you aren’t cutting (or coloring) your hair, you aren’t getting any more piercings, you can’t do this, you have to do that. Yeah, HUGE red flags!
Lack of personal space: when someone gets too close to me, steps into my “block around me” and I have to take a step back away from them, that sets off a HUGE red flag. And I remove myself from that situation IMMEDIATELY!
Manipulation: making you think that something you say or do is completely your idea. I have learned over the past 17 months to carefully listen to what is being said to me and now I know when to walk away from this type of person.
Gas-lighting: You know, the “that’s not what I said”, or “you are just imagining” or my favorite “that’s not what you think you saw”. Yeah, I should have trusted my gut. Women were given the ability of descernment for a reason. I just wish I had listed more closely and more often to mine.
Unnecessary affection or “Love Bombing”: This happens way too quickly in a new relationship, whether that be a friendship or a romantic relationship. This type of behavior can include unwelcome physical touches, buying completely unnecessary and unwelcome items. It can also include language that makes the person receiving them uncomfortable. The “I think you are great”, You are everything I have been dreaming of ” and the “I love you, forever” that comes too quickly, before you have enough to get to know the person who is “Love Bombing” you.
Shady/Sketchy Behavior: When someone can’t or won’t look you in the eyes when they are talking to you. This triggers the feeling for me that they aren’t being transparent. They are hiding something or they don’t want me to look too closely at what they are saying. Or when their actions don’t quite add up to the things they are telling me. Now, I DO fully understand the need for secrecy at various time … like when there is a surprise or celebration being planned. Or if not planned, but spur of the moment and you don’t want the surprise to be spoiled.
Also falling under the shady/sketchy behavior is when you make plans to do something with someone and then either don’t answer any questions about the outing/event, come up with some lame ass excuse that NO ONE fucking believes, or completely ghost them until you are forced by other circumstances to have some sort of contact witht them. I will give almost everyone the benefit of the doubt once or even twice. But after that, I will refuse to even think about making plans with this type of person again. I’ll make my own plans, follow my own agenda and never look back.
So, there you have it … MY personal Red Flag Triggers. I am sure you have some of your own and if you are willing, I’d love for you to share them in the comments.
The Feisty Witch 